Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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