so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
