Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Your dad touched me again.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
