I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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