Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
