Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
