She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
