i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
