..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
