no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
