I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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