We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
