Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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