Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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