You really coming over, don't trick.
I've blown a few things in my day
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
