party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
