Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
