I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
