last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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