we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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