i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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