just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
