just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
