you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
