don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
