i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
