margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
