pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize