My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
