don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
