I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize