so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
