Jerry, you need to find god
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize