it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize