My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just pee around me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
