His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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