Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize