she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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