Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
