Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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