matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize