there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
