Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
