yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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