When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
