I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
