She's JV to your varsity
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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