He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
