The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
