I like to think it a success when the cops are called
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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