a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
