Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
