one word: firstdatebathroomanal
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
