At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
