I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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