We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Found your dick twin last night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
