i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
