I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
