Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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