wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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