I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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