Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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