It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
