Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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