Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
