When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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