Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So many bounce houses so little time
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize