WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Randomize
