yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
