i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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