My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize