is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Boobs speak an international language.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
