dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
