me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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