I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
