saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
