meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
