I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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