ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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