I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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