I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dignity is for republicans.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
