All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The best revenge is premature balding
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
