can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
