That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
