We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize