I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
