yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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