Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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