I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
