If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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