Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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