I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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