Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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