dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
