I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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