While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he was CRYING into my vagina
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
