my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
