I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We got so high we made milksteak
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
