i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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