Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
