I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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