This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
