SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
